Pair of Michiganders charged for tortured porcupines and poached deer 🚨

If you’re still with us, that means you’ve made it to the middle of yet another week.

With that in mind, let’s all take a minute to grab a coffee or whiskey (no judgement) and get another mid-week dispatch out the door.

Here's what's worth reading about so far this week:

• 6 poached deer and one unlucky porcupine - A pair of Michigan men busted 🚨

• Big fish - Florida fishermen net massive tuna, but don’t enter the record books  🐠

• Wolf coyote spotting - Nevada walks back original claims of wolf pack sighting 🐺

• Fleeced treats - Hikers discover a dozen-or-so dog treats laced with fish hooks 🦴

• Shark caught in Texas river - A shark was caught in the Guadalupe River and the folks on social media lost their sh*t 🦈

Thanks for following along. Don't forget to tell your friends.

GREAT POLICE WORK
TWO MICHIGAN MEN CHARGED FOR TORTURED PORCUPINE AND POACHED DEER 

In a bizarre cauldron of wildlife violations, two Michigan men have been arraigned on a plethora of charges including animal torture and poaching. 

Nicholas Patnode, 19, and Zander Garrett, 20, were arraigned Monday in Kalkaska County District Court after an investigation that kicked off in 2022 finally provided investigators with enough evidence to press charges.

“When there’s this many violations, including torturing animals, education only goes so far. These crimes need to be addressed,” said Jason Haines, chief of the DNR’s Law Enforcement Division. “Prosecution of these acts will hopefully deter not only these individuals but others from committing similar crimes in the future.”

🐠 Monster tuna  - An incredible tuna was landed off the Florida coast and is believed to be the largest Bluefin tuna ever caught in the Sunshine State. The ‘Flat Dangerous’ boat was about 68 miles off the coast of Destin last month, and commandeered by Capt. George Gill when the massive fish first struck. Keeping rods bent for over five hours of fighting, it ended up being a team effort to bring the fish to the boat. 

When it was all said and done, the crew dragged the 9-foot fish ashore for an official weighing that tipped the scales at an unbelievable 888 pounds. While the Bluefin weighed more than any other that previously arrived on Floridian shores, it won’t soon be in any record books. As with all record-setters, they must be reeled in by one single angler in order to be crowned as a new record. As such, the existing record still belongs to Rick Whitley who reeled in a 826.5 pounder all on his own back in 2017.

🐺 No wolves here - After spotting a suspected trio of wolves in the northeast corner of Nevada, officials are walking back those claims after confirming their identity. Under the assumption that they had got a glimpse of the first pack of wolves in Nevada in over 100 years, the Department of Wildlife later decided to investigate the sighting.  

Working closely with the US Fish and Wildlife Service, initial reports indicated that the tracks found near where the three animals were seen were consistent with those of gray wolves. While the story did end up leaking to the general public back in March, officials remained vigilant in confirming their presence. With DNA test results from hair, fecal and urine samples in hand, the agency recently announced that what was spotted from above was actually just a few coyotes.

🦴 Sick f*cks - The Pennsylvania Game Commission is asking for the public’s help in identifying those who might have orchestrated the placement of dog treats filled with fish hooks along the Appalachian Trail. The treats were originally (and thankfully) discovered by a group of thru-hikers making their way through the trail that runs through PA State Game Lands #217. 

The group did their best to collect each and every treat they could find and ended up with about 15 tainted treats. After turning them into the state’s Game Commission, investigators headed back into the woods to see if they could turn over any more evidence. Coming up empty-handed, signs were placed along the trail warning hikers with pets to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. While domestic dogs remain a concern, PGC officials also expressed concern for mammals such as bears, possums, raccoons, foxes and birds of prey that might be enticed by the dangerous treats.

🐤 Wrong feeder - A 72-year-old New York man is facing charges after a complaint was filed about him shooting a bear just before midnight. Taking place on the evening of March 28th, the man allegedly was fed up with the recently-awakened bear population taking advantage of his conveniently placed bird feeders.

After refilling the feeders one too many times, neighbors reported that shots were fired around 11:45 PM on the night of the incident. An investigation by officials later revealed that the man did, in fact, kill a black bear while it was sucking back bird seed in his yard. While New York does make allowances for self defense, it’s unlikely that will be a route the accused will use in court. He was charged on April 4 with taking a bear other than permitted by Environmental Conservation Law, an unclassified misdemeanor.

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🦈 Catching sharks up river - A Texas fisherman broke the internet earlier this week after reeling in a bull shark while fishing in the Guadalupe River. A popular destination for tubing, swimming and fishing, many were surprised to learn that a shark could possibly be crashing their afternoon fun. The truth is, bull sharks are often found in brackish rivers that lead to the ocean but shouldn’t disrupt your next lazy river day, so long as you are far enough inland.

The city of New Braunfels had way too much fun with the incident and are credited for the image above.